What your teen needs to know when they’re hurting

This is an excerpt from ‘Attitude – A handbook for your head‘ by our Attitude team. It’s written as if your teen were reading it and we hope it helps give you ideas on how to start a great chat with them.

If you are feeling hurt, find out where the feeling comes from. Have you been wronged? Has somebody used you? Lied about you? Find out where the pain is coming from. And then be gentle on yourself. Gain back your self-esteem and value.

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Hurt people hurt other people

Is the person who hurt you actually a hurting person? That might not excuse what they’ve done, but it might help explain it. It sounds a little like this –

“I’ve got this bucket. It’s full of anger and pain and frustration. It’s boiling hot and poisonous. I want to tip it over the person who hurt me but I can’t. And so I lug it around with me.

Unfortunately it’s so full that it slops about and spills, usually onto my friends and family. They don’t deserve it – they don’t even know why I’m hurting them. I need them more than ever at this time, but my anger and moodiness is driving them away.”

Handle the bucket carefully. The best thing is to explain to those close to you what you’re feeling – good friends understand. Of course, the things that hurt us most are sometimes intensely private – at least explain feelings even if you can’t talk about the circumstances.

Moods are like the weather

You can’t control the weather – and sometimes it rains. It’s nicer driving in the sunshine, but a car can still operate in the rain. You just need a bit more care.

Your moods are the same – sometimes you’re up, sometimes you are down, but even when there are mood-clouds covering your sun, you can still move ahead. Accept personal responsibility for your moods. Don’t be afraid of the low times. Rest and retreat if you need space to manage your moods.

Book a session with a Family Coach

family-coachSometimes family life is way more challenging than we had ever imagined. We would like it to be a lot more enjoyable, if only we knew how. Family coaching is designed to meet you where you are at, whatever stage you are at on your parenting and relationship journey. We want to be on the journey with you. To find out more and to book a session, click here.