A simple reframe in how we respond to our kids can make a huge difference. Here are a few examples of how word choice has the power to turn tension into engagement.
Your child wants to turn TV on as soon as they get home from school...
“No, there is no TV until I have your lunch box and you have changed out of your uniform.”
OR...
“TV sounds like a great idea. Let’s turn it on as soon as you have popped your lunch box on the counter and got into your home clothes.”
Your child has the habit of asking for a playdate at the school gates...
“How many times have I told you not to ask me on the spot. The answer is no.”
OR...
“We can make a plan for this to happen. When we get home, you can get the calendar out and we can work out the best day that suits everyone.”
Your teenager wants to go to a party of a friend you do not know and there is limited information...
“There’s no way you can go to a party when we don’t even know who these people are. I can’t agree to this.”
OR...
“Honey, I’ll have a think about this. Remember what we need to know first and when you have that information, let’s discuss it further.”
You put your preschool daughter to bed ten minutes ago but she's already popped out four times.
“If you get out of bed again, there will not be any stories tomorrow night. This is my last warning.”
OR...
“Goodnight sweetheart. Stay in your cosy bed. I will come back in five minutes to see you and give you another kiss.”
Your child has had two biscuits and wants another one...
“No, and don’t ask me again. Just be grateful that you’ve had two already!”
OR...
“They are delicious, and I get how you’d like to have another one. Two biscuits is our limit today.”
Your son wants dessert but has not eaten much of his dinner...
“Definitely not! You haven’t eaten your dinner so you won't be having any dessert.”
OR...
“Yes, dessert is there when you have eaten your dinner. If you have finished, you may get down.”