Teens and screens: Finding the balance

Technology offers us loads of great ways to stay connected and maintain relationships. Our teens, amongst the first ‘born and bred’ digital natives, are of course experts at online connection. Which is great, and handy if we ‘older folk’ need any tech support. But, how are their social skills playing out 'IRL' (in real life)?

Are our young people able to connect with others and build relationships in the offline world? Can they be social without the media? Will they ever actually talk to us again, instead of just sending a DM asking what’s for dinner?

If any of this is a concern for you, here are three things to think about as you encourage your teenager to put down their device and to dabble in some face-to-face interactions.

The teenage years are generally defined by social awkwardness, feeling misunderstood and a strong desire to assert independence, all while still having to follow rules. So, it isn’t surprising that our teens can find interacting in-person difficult – especially when we insist on them doing so on our terms.

While you might think getting them to show off their excellent ukelele skills at the staff Christmas party is a helpful way to face their social insecurities, it is more likely that it will reinforce their beliefs that the online world is a much safer and more pleasant place to socialise. Instead, provide low-pressure opportunities for social interaction – perhaps with people familiar to them where they can choose to interact or just observe. Be sure to ask them for suggestions and follow their lead.

Yes, it’s true that the teenage brain thrives on connection with peers, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t like connecting with parents. In fact, while a teenager’s friends are very important to them, research tells us that their relationship with their parents remains a strong influence. Our teens want us to show them that we find them interesting, likeable and worthy of our time. One of the best ways we can do this is by connecting with them through their interests and pursuits. Yes, this may mean trying to understand the latest online gaming craze or wading your way through dozens of obscure reels, but it may also mean giving them a lift to the gaming store or the skate park, shopping for snacks or trying testers with them a the make-up shop – all of which provide opportunities to hone their real-life social skills without them even realising it!

Teenagers are experts at tuning out lectures. However, while our words may not matter much, our teenagers are always watching and learning from our actions. So, if we want our teens to get off their devices and use their real-life social skills, we will have to do the same.

Managing our own device use and getting out and about ourselves can give our teenagers the confidence to do so as well. Be a role model of how to have good conversations and how to ask good questions. Show them how to treat others with respect and empathy. And even if you’re not that assertive in social situations, make the effort to go outside of your comfort zone and flex all the social muscles you have – after all, that’s what we’re asking our teenagers to do!