Sleep & Routine Behaviour & Emotions
For better or worse, the study has all been studied and exam day has dawned. Ready or not, off they go!
How can parents help in this moment? Keep calm, stay cool (well, do your best) and be available... Plus, you could try the following six strategies for achieving parental excellence. (No official credits given here, but please know how awesome you are.)
First things first, make sure you know when your teenager’s exams are and write them on the family calendar/in your diary. This might seem obvious, but every year students turn up for exams on the wrong day or at the wrong time. All very well if a schedule mix-up gets you there early, but a real bummer if you turn up late. Do your student a favour by having eyes on their schedule. You’ll find the 2025 NCEA exam timetable here.
On exam days, do what you can to create a peaceful morning environment. Prep a good breakfast (bananas are a great option as they contain vitamin B6 and magnesium which can help with stress and anxiety) and avoid rushing or hassling your young person about anything. Deep breaths everyone! Expect a bit of grumpiness or moodiness if your teen is feeling anxious on the day. Your job is to lend them your calm – this is definitely not the right time for ‘teaching moments’ or big reactions.
Help your teenager get organised: Check they have pens, calculators, a drink bottle, tissues etc. The trick is to do this in a light and caring “I’m just checking in - even though I know you’ve got this” kinda way, rather than nagging. This is certainly not the time for anything that resembles nagging.
Even if your teenager usually gets their own way to school, offer them a lift to their exams. They may not accept your offer, but give them the option of one less thing to think about. And allow plenty of time so they arrive with a buffer. Reducing small stressors will support their mental focus.
Extra bonus points for providing pump-up music! Parenting Place presenter Dayna still remembers that her mum drove her to all her school exams with Whitney Houston’s girl-power anthem “I’m Every Woman” playing on the car stereo.
Remind your teenagers that exams are important, but they don’t define their worth. Send them off with a generous serving of unconditional love and admiration.
“We’re so proud of how hard you’ve worked towards these exams.”
“You’ve got this! Just do your best.”
And no, don’t expect a lavish serving of gratitude in return, especially not in the moment. These are stressful days for our young people, and all their focus is likely taken up on simply getting through the exam (without crying, as one of my teenagers has mentioned… ) But know that deep down, our words and care will be resonating. And 20 years from now, our grown-up teens may be telling their kids how cool it was when Mum played Whitney really loudly as she pulled up to the school gate.
Hold lightly any expectations for post-exam behaviour. Your teenager might need to vent, eat, burn off some energy/frustration, scroll for a bit or just have some quiet time alone. Let them choose how they want to decompress without launching straight into questions about how it went.
