Try UDEC: A tool to bring kids on board

Years ago I attended a parenting course where someone wise shared this acronym – UDEC. No, they weren’t promoting a finance company, rather they were offering a helpful parenting tool that can guide us towards enhanced connection with our kids, and more positive responses from our kids – especially in those moments when neither connection nor response are feeling that great!

One of those moments might look like a young child not doing what you have asked them to do. Putting it plainly, you're being ignored.

Imagine this: You are tired; it’s been a long day. Your three-year-old is in the lounge and from what you can hear, it’s pretty obvious that blocks are being hurled around the room. Not great.

You’re not happy and your first response is to yell at Theo from the kitchen, telling him to stop that throwing, or else!

The noise of biffing blocks continues – maybe even a bit louder.

You pause to gather yourself. You decide to switch tack. Yelling from one room to another very rarely works so you are ready for a change. You give UDEC a go.

• U is for UP close. This means you move to be in the same room as your child. Rather than addressing the issue from a distance, you position yourself near your child – you get up close.

• D is for DOWN at their level. You kneel down on the carpet close to Theo and the blocks.

• E is for EYE contact. Theo is avoiding making eye contact so you go for the playful option, giving him a tickle so he accidentally has to look at you. Your eyes are kind and friendly.

• C is for CALM voice. This is easier if you haven’t already asked for something six times – and been ignored six times! In this hypothetical example, you acted early and you still feel calm. Maybe slightly bothered that you have had to move rooms and put the potato peeling on pause, but you’re confident that calm words have a way of keeping the stress out and the atmosphere pleasant. You play gently with the blocks yourself, modelling what you are asking for. And if genuine calm is proving elusive, you take some deep breaths while you move blocks around, as oxygen is a gift to the brain and nervous system.

Theo has not been invited to a fight. He likes the idea of building a tower and the potential squirmish is over.

Will it always end up happily ever after? Maybe not every time, but having more interactions like this will result in more positive responses from your child, as they learn you are both intentional and kind.

So that’s it – UDEC – a simple tool that has powerful potential to sweeten the mood and get our kids on board with what we’re asking. It’s all about posture and tone – so next time you're not getting the desired response from your kids, think UP close, DOWN at their level, EYE contact and CALM voice.