What is digital wellbeing and why does it matter for our kids?

Digital wellness is about helping kids to balance technology use with other things that are important for their wellbeing, like moving their bodies, being in nature, connecting with friends (IRL, of course) and getting enough rest and sleep. It also includes things like good posture, sleep-friendly habits and safe screen distance to ensure their bodies stay well while using technology.

Supporting kids to build these habits from early on can make a big difference. When digital wellness becomes part of whānau life, it lays strong foundations for the future, setting kids up to manage their tech use smartly as they begin to flex their muscles of autonomy. And like most things in parenting, the stuff you're modelling matters. This includes attitudes and emotional responses, as well as behaviour. Kids learn best when the adults around them practise the same healthy boundaries they’re being encouraged to adopt.

Supporting digital wellness doesn’t have to be tricky. Here are some ideas for where you might start.

Young brains need variety to thrive. Just like a healthy diet fuels the body, young people need a mix of activities each day to be mentally well. Psychiatrist Dr Dan Siegel’s Healthy Mind Platter is a handy reference when thinking about that balance. It outlines seven key ingredients kids need, including: time for good sleep, time to move their bodies, to play and be imaginative, to focus deeply on a task, to reflect internally, to rest without goals or structure and to connect meaningfully with others.

Some of these things can happen digitally, but others need the screens to be switched off and popped away. Help your kids to notice what ingredients might be missing from their daily platter and tune into how they feel when things have gotten out of balance. There’s also a great opportunity here for parents to put down devices and consider what active, social or outdoor activities the whānau could spend some time doing together.

Regular, low-pressure conversations are one of your best parenting tools. If kids feel safe talking to you, they’re far more likely to share when something tricky crops up. Instead of warnings or lectures (as the saying goes, ‘lessons get lost in lectures’) try asking: "What are you enjoying online at the moment?" or "Have you seen anything funny lately?" Watching a show together or sharing memes can be a great way to stay connected. Importantly, avoid hassling them for being ‘glued to their device’. Friendly chats are your chance to be their supportive guide - not just the rule-setter.

Most apps and platforms are designed to hold kids’ attention. It’s not because of their lack of willpower that they find it hard to switch off. (In fact, ask any adult with a smartphone how challenging it can be to stop scrolling!) Young people’s brains are still developing the ability to manage things like screen time on their own. That’s why clear, calm boundaries are essential, especially when kids are still learning how to self-regulate. Boundaries also help reduce potential pushback and negotiations for parents. They aren’t just rules, they’re support scaffolding that helps kids build lifelong digital habits.

Start by thinking about what works best for your whānau. Some ideas:

• Devices charged outside the bedroom overnight (yes, even yours)

• No screens before school or during mealtimes

• A firm cut-off for recreational screen time in the evening

• Homework, chores, or outside play before devices come out

• Activate screen time settings so the device itself helps out with holding the boundary

It can be hard to stick to boundaries and be consistent, we get it. But a little discomfort over time will help build up your muscles of confidence. Steer clear of punishing or shaming your kids for their digital behaviour – they're learning, just as we all are. Instead, by talking regularly and listening with curiosity you can create a safe space where your kids can reflect on their habits and come to you, confidently, if something feels off.

Tech-free time should be seen as a good thing rather than a consequence of behaviour you don’t like. It’s a chance for kids to rest their minds, reset their bodies and reconnect with friends and family members in person.

For older kids and teens, help them learn to notice when their body or brain is feeling a bit flat from too much time online and give them a gentle reminder to unplug. Sometimes the best thing you can do is gently help them notice the signs that it’s time for a break — even if they’re not thrilled about it in the moment.

As kids get older, social dynamics go digital. Talk about how group chats can sometimes turn sour, and what to do if that happens. Help them set boundaries with friends and give them language to manage peer pressure, like:

• "I can’t be on my phone at night; my parents turn off the WiFi."

• "I’ll check this later; I’m off screens for a bit."

Let them know it’s okay to leave a group chat if it feels off. They’ll need your support here – plenty of active listening, empathy and emotion coaching to ensure they feel safe, heard and connected. If/when their peers let them down, connection with their parent or caregiver will help keep kids buoyant.

Games on devices can be fun, creative and social - but also frustrating at times, and highly addictive. Fast-paced content or intense gaming can keep kids’ brains switched on, making it hard to wind down or hand over a device, especially at bedtime. Screen breaks give their nervous systems space to rest and reset.

• Help kids spot when they’re starting to feel overwhelmed

• Take breaks, especially after intense games

• Keep devices in shared areas

• Choose games together that suit your child’s age and personality

Even with the best routines, there’ll be days (or weeks) when things get off track. That’s normal. Tech is part of life, but it shouldn’t be running the show.

Digital wellness isn’t about perfection, it’s about getting alongside kids and helping them to create sustainable habits that nurture developing minds, bodies and relationships. Keep the small, regular kōrero going – and don't be afraid to reset if the scale has tipped and things feel out of balance.