An agreement for your child’s phone – why, how and a printable

It’s so important to have good conversations with your child about how to use technology well and what your expectations are. An 'first phone agreement' is a great way to start that conversation. There are other ways – skywriting, billboards, subliminal messages hidden in Disney films... however, good old fashioned talking still seems to be the most effective.

Yes, a phone agreement can absolutely work, so long as it both provides for and protects the needs of all parties involved. That sounds quite clinical - what we mean is that an effective phone agreement is all about robust discussion. It's a chance for both parent and child to have their say and feel heard. And it's a key connection moment. Ultimately, a phone agreement is about entering into a partnership with your child so that you can be actively involved in helping them form healthy habits with technology.

The goal is for your child to understand three things –

1. There are rules
2. You’re concerned for their safety because you love them
3. The rules, as defined by the agreement, come with rights, responsibilities and accountability - also, that a breach of the T&Cs comes with consequences

Having a phone is a significant milestone and understanding concepts like those listed above is a good indicator of readiness.

No one really likes homework, but before you jump into the chat about a phone agreement, there are a few decisions you might want to make regarding your child's first phone.

1. Will they own the phone or will it be a ‘shared’ sibling phone?

A shared family phone can be a great intermediate step to owning their first phone.

2. Will you be paying for their data, texts and calls, or will they?

This can depend on what the phone is primarily used for. Logistics and safety reasons? Probably a parental cost. Roblox and Block Blast? Perhaps some pocket money funding.

3. Will they get data?

If it’s their first phone, consider getting them one that doesn’t have data access. This way, your child gets a little of the connection they want, with less of the risks of social media and online access that come with a smartphone. You could get them a phone with limited data on a prepay plan, or you could get them a phone with WiFi access but no data at all. There are pros and cons to all of these options, but keep in mind that your child will have to learn how to navigate the internet by themselves at some point, and the goal is to set them up to do that well, no matter where they are.

The process of coming to an agreement may actually be more important than the agreement itself. Our kids need rules, but what they need much more is to know the reason behind the rules. And the most important reason to communicate to your kids is that you love them.