A parent's guide to Discord

There are the kids who enjoy sending each other Snaps of their feet, their breakfast or an interesting cloud. There are the kids who follow and copy viral dance videos on TikTok. There are the kids who love to watch #GRWM on Instagram. And then there is the Discord crew.

Discord is another social media platform but its style differs slightly. Instead of focusing on videos and photos like the apps mentioned above, Discord focuses on topic-based conversations using a voice-over-internet app that allows users to communicate via their personal device. And when I say ‘users’, I pretty much mean gamers – Discord is kind of like Skype for gamers.

The app offers some benefits – connection and communication are great things. It comes with some risks though, especially for younger users. And since this app is especially popular with tweens and teens who like to connect while gaming, us parents need to know the pros, cons and concerns – just like with anything else our kids are involved with in the ever-expanding and relentlessly enticing digital world.

Discord was launched in 2015, offering an alternative social media platform where people can connect with others who share similar interests.

Discord uses 'servers', which are set up with a particular focus, topic or theme. People can sign up, join a server of interest, discuss topics, share images, videos and web links, and connect via text or voice chat. Servers with themes/topics are identified by a hashtag, for example #fortnite.

When users join a server or channel, they’ll see a speaker icon and they will automatically hear ongoing conversations which they can join in on.

Discord has over 150 million active users, with gamers making up 70% of users. It allows them to create a community of gamers to chat to about gaming, while literally gaming. A gamer's dream come true, right?

It’s not just for the gamers though, all sorts of communities will gather on Discord. (Some kids even use it to study and do homework together - apparently!) Discord servers feature a range of topics, including TV shows, geographical regions, sports, memes, dating and investing. For example, (and this is a true story I found while researching for this article - because, well, you couldn’t make this stuff up!) US college student Delilah usually watched rose ceremonies alone. But in pursuit of community, she set up a Discord server for fellow fans of The Bachelor and now she watches with a bunch of friends who stream each episode together.

How old do users need to be? Discord has a sign-up age of 13, but as you’re probably aware by now, it’s easy to sign up ‘under-age’ simply by giving an incorrect birthdate.

Parents need to know that some of the servers on Discord are themed around adult content, with unrestricted access. Here’s some more internet slang to add to your glossary: NSFW = ‘not safe for work’. In other words ‘don’t be opening this when your boss is around’... in other words, ‘100% NOT safe for kids’. #NSFW servers, featuring porn and sexual content, are common on Discord and can be stumbled upon by our kids. There are also reports of illegal content being accessible on Discord too.

Discord Nitro is the premium version of the app, giving you more capacity if you moderate a server. It enhances your Discord voice, video and text chats, and offers perks like animated avatars and a custom tag, as well as the ability to collect and make emojis. And it costs money – so talk to your kids about your expectations around what exactly they’re signing up for.

First up, as a general rule - we encourage parents to delay access to any social media for as long as possible. This is because research is revealing multiple indicators that social media can be profoundly harmful for our kids' mental health and well-being.

And like all social media apps, there are safety risks with Discord. There are around 19 million different servers on Discord at any one time, and many, many millions of worldwide users, which means loads of potential for dodgy content and dodgy people. Sorry to be frank, but awareness and caution are vital when it comes to keeping our kids safe online. So yes, while Discord can be a handy way for our young people to connect and find community with like-minded peers, there’s also a risk of connection with manipulative strangers and even predators.

If/when your child does start using Discord, we encourage you to continue putting boundaries and limits in place. As we know, social media is designed to capture our attention and suck up our time, and it does a really good job of it too.

Here are a few essentials for keeping your child safer on Discord if this is an app they’re using.

1. Filter explicit content in settings
2. Toggle or turn off Direct Message (DM) settings
3. Enable friend request settings so your child isn’t engaging with strangers
4. Block unknown users
5. Report any inappropriate content or users on Discord
6. Set up a strong password and two-factor authentication (2FA)

Follow this link to internetmatters.org for handy, step-by-step safety instructions.

If you have a younger teen or tween on Discord and you’re concerned for their safety, here’s an option - sign up to Discord yourself and ask to be invited to the groups your child is in as a quiet observer. We don’t have to give our children unlimited, unsupervised access to online platforms. Their access can be conditional upon our involvement. Just keep it cool - don’t be messaging them on their public page to “hurry up and put your dirty underwear in the washing machine” or anything embarrassing like that.

It’s really important we continue to have regular, robust conversations and check-ins with our kids about what they’re doing on social media and any problems they might be facing. This is something we talk about a lot at Parenting Place, and we have more tips on how to have these conversations here and here. The key is to remain non-judgemental, open, curious and calm.

Social media is a complex and tricky terrain to navigate, and chances are high that our kids will trip up at times. Hence it’s vital that the lines of communication are kept open and our kids know we’re here and available to talk at any time, about anything.