How to talk about: Dodgy content online

Ever since the first humans started drawing in caves, there were some cavemen who drew dodgy pictures. The pyramids probably have some secret chamber of inappropriate hieroglyphics and when the Romans started building walls, people started writing explicit things on them. Fast forward a few centuries and we all remember someone at primary school who found it hilarious to draw specific things on other people's pencil cases. Creating and sharing dodgy content isn't new, but technology has certainly given 'dodgy' a whole new platform.

Now when we say dodgy, we aren’t just talking about inappropriate doodles and risqué jokes. We are also talking about all of the explicit, inappropriate or just twisted content that exists online.

If we're honest, there's dodgy stuff everywhere. Even the dictionary contains words that make school kids giggle and teachers blush. A challenge facing our young people today, however, is that they're no longer just reading a definition of something 'colourful' in the dictionary. They are no longer just seeing some poorly drawn caricature of something violent or sexual. Technology now exposes young people to explicit and violent pictures and videos that graphically show the reality of something that was once only understood conceptually. And it’s not just pictures and videos, comment sections on almost every social media platform are full of nasty, degrading, sexualised and violent posts too.

So how do you talk to your kids about the dodgy stuff that they will almost inevitably encounter online? There are two key moments for these important conversations:

It is incredibly important to have a conversation now about what would happen if they told you that they had seen something, violent, sexual or… well, dodgy.

If we want our kids to talk to us about seeing dodgy stuff online, they need to know for sure that our first response isn’t going to be reactive. If they are worried about instant confiscation or limitation, they may prefer to keep the scary, uncomfortable or even traumatic experience to themselves. And we don’t want our kids to have to navigate those types of experiences alone.

One way to have this conversation is to create an agreement with them. You could write a clause that says:

If you see anything online that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe you will tell me, and I will listen. I promise that my first response will not be to take away your device. However, I reserve the right to genuinely care about how you are feeling, get you help if you need it and confiscate your device if that is necessary.

It could be timely to remind your kids that if they accidentally see something dodgy, they can talk to you about it and they won’t be in trouble. It's so important that our young people know that we care more about helping them to make sense of the dodgy stuff that they may have seen, than we do about punishing them.

Your kids may have all sorts of questions, like:

• "Why would someone even make this content?"

• "Why would someone share such dodgy content?"

• "Was that even real?"

• "How do I stop thinking about what I saw?"

Allow space for your child to ask questions, just remember – you don’t have to have all the answers. Offer your calm reassurance, and seek extra help if your child needs it.

Kids are curious, but having plenty of robust conversations and taking practical steps to protect them online can help limit exposure to the world of dodgy.

Keeping our kids safe online can seem really daunting, but self-control and character are the best filters and these are developed over time – through loving, close relationships. In fact, the most powerful tool in your parenting kete is connection. When your relationship with your child is strong – when they know they are loved and that they can talk to you about anything – you're in the best position to navigate whatever challenge comes their way.