How to talk to your kids about scary events

It would be easy to think that the world is falling to pieces.

In the past few years, we’ve had earthquakes, terror attacks, tsunamis, a global pandemic, the outbreak of war in eastern Europe and back-to-back extreme weather events. It's no wonder we're all feeling a little frazzled.

As a parent, you might be wondering how to guide your children through scary experiences and how to talk to them about bad news. We know that open communication is a great policy, but is there such a thing as too open? Just how do we 'chat' about life's tougher moments?

Here are three  tips to help your family to navigate through unforeseen, disastrous and downright frightening events:

There is no question that things like earthquakes, pandemics and cyclones are unnerving. We know it and our kids know it. So, while it may be natural for us to downplay an upsetting event in an effort to spare our children from the seriousness of it all, it is important that we let them know that we understand the situation might be scary for them.

Letting our children know it’s normal to feel worried, confused or anxious helps them know that their feelings are justified. It can also pave the way for them to talk openly about their worries, rather than feeling they have to avoid them and 'act brave' when all they want to do is cry and have a cuddle.

If we don’t make space for them to share how they are feeling, it may also deprive us of the opportunity to give our children the much-needed reassurance and comfort we know they might need.

How do you do this?

• Ask them how they felt about the news update they heard
• Ask them how they felt when the windows were shaking
• Ask them how they felt when all the phones got the emergency alert
• Ask them if they are feeling worried or anxious

As parents and adults, we know that the world is a big and complex place. But, too often, we forget that for our kids, the world is pretty small and simple – mostly because, for them, the world is us.

And because we are our children’s world, it is with us that they can feel most heard and listened to, it is with us that they can feel most confident and strong, and it is with us that they can feel most safe and secure.

This means that, even when scary things happen, just being with our children, listening to our children, and being kind, considerate and loving toward our children can be all that they need to overcome even the most challenging of unpredictable events.

How do you do this?

• Practise listening  so you can empathise and understand
• Offer to give your kids a hug – even your older kids
• Pay attention to your own emotions so that you can be kind and patient

There are so many things in life that we can’t control, but we can help our children by giving them practical ideas and skills so they know what to do in these events. This can go a long way towards reducing their sense of helplessness, alleviate some of their anxiety and worry, and give them a sense of safety.

Now might be the perfect time to sit down as a family and create an escape plan in the case of a fire, or practise the turtle earthquake drill, or restock the emergency supplies, or run through your tsunami escape route.

These are all ways in which we can increase our children’s sense of safety and restore their belief in their ability to cope with unpredictable events.

Over the past 100 years, humans have experienced all sorts of crazy experiences, and while these experiences can sometimes be tragic, unpredictable or terrifying, it is during these times that humans have almost always come together in solidarity. What is true of humanity is also true for families. If we can navigate these types of challenges well, they can actually bring families closer together too.