Take note: The family book

Here’s a simple idea I often suggest in Parent Coaching sessions – a safe and fun way to record important things about your family and keep everyone on the same page, quite literally!

I call it The Family Book. No, not the most creative name in the world, but as I said – it's a simple concept, and couldn't we all use a bit more ‘simple’ in our complex and overly digital lives?!

First up, grab some sort of blank notebook - big or small as you like; fancy, pretty or plain. Perhaps your kids might like to decorate the cover.

Within the pages of your family book, keep a record of things like your family mission statement, your values and rules, special dates and events, the weekly schedule, important phone numbers and contacts... all and any of those details that speak to who you are as a family, but might get lost in translation or memory fog if not committed to paper.

• Your family mission statement or treaty – for example - ‘In our family we will always try hard to speak respectfully to one another, work as a team, bounce back after disappointments and celebrate each other’s successes.’

• Family contributions to the running of the home – sharing the load

• Leader of the week - rotational

• Family dinner night – whose turn it is to choose what to have for dinner

• Top three family rules

• What happens if a rule is broken

• Ideas for birthday presents

• Ideas for holiday fun

• Important phone numbers

• Location of First Aid supplies

• Each child to have their own top rule (one that is important to them)

• Family mottos specific to your family – e.g. ‘The Smith family is okay with making mistakes because that’s how we learn’

• Family technology rules – television, cell phones, computers, play stations etc

A document like this is helpful for keeping track of important information, but it's also handy for keeping everyone on the same page. It’s hard to argue with what’s in the Family Book! Same-page parenting can be easier said than done, so having a ‘founding document’ so to speak, that reminds parents, grandparents and other caregivers of the goals, values and boundaries that the family are committed to aiming towards can be a valuable tool.

Children love a bit of structure, order and certainty and the family book helps here too. The pages of your family book also provide your kids with an opportunity to share their ideas. Maybe there’s a section with favourite meal ideas or recipes, maybe there’s a place for kids to note down their holiday or birthday wishes. Maybe the family turn to the book to remind themselves whose turn it is to be ‘leader of the week’ or who unloads the dishwasher on Mondays.

The family book can also come out when it's time for a whanau hui or a family reset. It can be the place where you signal what might be coming up for discussion, jot down an agenda or keep track of minutes.

While all of this might seem a bit ‘admin heavy’ for some families (and others will already be digging out the scrapbooking supplies and sharpening their coloured pencils), this tool can be whatever you make it... Ultimately, it’s a creative expression of your unique family.

The idea is not to use it as a weapon, but as a way of keeping up to date with the goings on and for everyone in the family to feel a sense of ownership of plans and purposes. So, give it a go and keep it handy - perhaps in the kitchen or near the dining table, and simply practice using it. Bonus – it’s great for memories! One day you’ll stumble upon it as you pack boxes to downsize... and smile as you reflect on the beautifully messy rhythms of a season passed.