Time to spare and why it matters in parenting

Fat in the budget. A buffer. An emergency account. Margin. Putting money aside for a ‘rainy day’, or your ‘mojo bucket’ as The Barefoot Investor calls it. However you frame it, spare money is great!

If the washing machine suddenly shudders to a halt, it’s far less painful knowing you have some money available to pay the appliance repair guys. While we may not be the wisest or most disciplined at keeping money aside for a rainy day, we know we feel more relaxed and able to roll with the punches that life throws at us if we do have this buffer. Many of us are all-too-familiar with how stressful it is to not have any spare money.

There is another scarce resource in family life, one that also needs some good old-fashioned arithmetic applied to it. TIME.

While we talk a lot about money management in our culture, we are far less savvy about time management. I would like to suggest that we need to have spare time in our lives, every bit as much as we need to have spare money.

Ask people how they are and you will frequently get a gasping reply of, “OH, I am SO busy!” I myself have already said this at least once today, perhaps you have too.

Often, being rushed is a catalyst for poor behaviour – both from us as parents and from our kids. The morning rush to school then on to work and the feeling of being under constant pressure causes us to be less patient and less emotionally available to each other. How many times have I snapped at my kids sometime during the morning rush (feeling totally justified in my crossness), only to feel guilty and bewildered as to why I got so het up, about two minutes after drop off?

Obviously, most of us can’t do a life without pressure points. But it is really good to recognise that rushing times are riskier times. When we’re rushed, we’re far more likely to be impatient and lose perspective about what is important. In a very famous study, dubbed the Good Samaritan Research, researchers basically concluded that being hurried is the biggest predictor of people forgetting the importance of helping out someone in distress. Conversely, being unrushed is the biggest predictor that we will respond to our kids (and random strangers!) with kindness and care, and in a way that aligns with our values.

Smoother mornings start the night before. Dull as this may sound, it really helps to be as organised as possible.

Can you make sure you have got a clean kitchen and clean lunch boxes the night before? Can you lay out your next day’s outfit, so that, like the kids putting on a school uniform, you don’t have to deliberate at all in the morning? Can you make time to give each of your kids a big hug every morning to greet them when they get up?

Can you have some mantras that help the whole family to stay focused? Something like “Mornings are for getting ready!” This can really help when you see the kids (or yourself!) getting distracted by something non-essential. As fun as Lego and Wordle are, in the morning rush they will only be contributing to the chaos.

Remember, the feeling of being hurried is not fun for anyone.

It also a significant help to keep some 'fat' in the afternoon and evening routines. A time buffer is especially important for our kids as they re-adjust to being at home with us again after their busy day at school or kindy.

There are so many good things our kids can be involved in after school, and extra-curricular activities are conversation in themselves. Deciding what to sign up for, and how far to stretch the family's time is a challenge and requires careful thought. Whatever you can do to allow space and time for kids to 'ease' back into home and family time will be worth it.

And back to my earlier 'dull' point about organisation – any life hacks you can apply to your evening routines will be worth it in terms of time buffers. Could you try a meal-planning session each weekend for the week ahead? Could you spend some time cooking in bulk so you can freeze some meals ready for your busiest evenings?

And then there are chores! Oh yes, the never-ending cycle of laundry, dishes, vacuuming and cleaning... Resist the temptation to do everything yourself (because it's easier and faster, I know) – time spent teaching our kids how to help around the house is worth every minute. Maybe have a family meeting and get the kids involved in figuring out who can tackle what tasks, and when, and work towards a regular rhythm of taking care of daily/weekly chores as a team.

With bit of planning and intentionality, here's hoping you'll be banking some time savings, ready and waiting to be spent on the really important things of life – connection, play and cuddling up on the couch for a story or a nap!