Who's in your village?

You’ve probably heard the famous African proverb: “It takes a village to raise a child.” At Parenting Place, we believe this wholeheartedly, and we’d add one more thing: “It takes a village to raise a parent.”

We can also find similar wisdom closer to home. This whakataukī puts it beautifully —

Ēhara tāku toa i te toa takatahi, engari he toa takitini. My strength is not mine alone, but the strength of many.

No one thrives in isolation — not parents, not children. We’re not meant to parent alone. We need community.

We need other people to:

• Watch one child while we rush the other to A&E
• Laugh with us, cry with us, eat with us
• Normalise the chaos of parenting
• Drop off soup when we're exhausted
• Be a sounding board, a friend, a helping hand

We need this sort of help, and everyone else needs it too. Being part of a village isn’t just about receiving support, it’s also about showing up for others. It’s powerful to model and normalise to our children that being a village means helping others.

This could look like:

• Offering to drive that other child to the Saturday morning football game one week, to take some pressure of that other parent who seems pretty hassled
• Buying some fruit and milk for the neighbours who have all got the flu
• Looking after a few cousins in the school holidays to help out their working parents

The research is clear: isolation is bad for our health. A meta-analysis from Brigham Young University (involving 148 studies) found that strong social connections increase our chance of survival by 50%.

Here’s what the researchers found:

“Low social interaction was as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic. It was more damaging than not exercising and twice as harmful as obesity.”

Wow! In short: human connection is vital to our wellbeing.

The transition to parenthood can be a shock. Everything changes. That’s why social connection is especially important in those early weeks and months.

A strong village includes:

• Friends our own age
• Parents who’ve just been through it
• Elders with years of wisdom

And let’s not forget: Dads need support too. New fathers are at real risk of postnatal depression and anxiety — more than most people realise.

Dads — your social life matters. Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean your days of hanging out with your mates are over. In fact, you probably need them more than ever!

• Plan a curry and beer night
• Organise a backyard BBQ and compare slow-cooked ribs
• Sign up for a half-marathon with your 'wolf pack'
• Jam with your guitar buddies

These aren’t luxuries — they’re lifelines. Connection is good for your mental health (yours, and that of your mates). And when you gather and banter, make space for real talk too — about parenting, relationships and what’s hard right now.

Raising kids is hugely demanding and requires a lot from all parents. Single parents face a unique set of challenges. At the end of the day — at any time of the day, for that matter — there’s no one to pass the baton to. You’re it! Unless you enlist some support from your village.

Single parents — you are AMAZING! Click here for 5 encouragements specifically for you.

Some of the best connections are the ones we don’t plan:

• Commiserating and laughing with another parent outside school about the pressure of Book Week costumes
• Rolling the bins out at the same time as your neighbour and stopping for a ten-minute chat
• Bumping into a new-mum friend at the supermarket — pausing for a sweet moment of mutual baby-worshipping, and checking in on how each other are coping

These spontaneous moments boost wellbeing — and they don’t require tidying the house or sending a calendar invite. No mental load whatsoever!

But, to make the most of them, studies show we need to be interruptible. We need to slow down and embrace the pause. These brief interactions benefit both us and the people we meet.

Of course, intentional connection matters as well. Build it in and make it happen, even if it’s simple:

• Invite another family to join your fish and chips night (bonus points for eating at the beach in winter!)
• Faith communities and churches, gym memberships, library book clubs, community garden projects, volunteer groups… these are the people in your neighbourhood! Loads of local connection opportunities a likely to be found just around the corner
• Get to know the families of your child’s kindy or school friends. If you are inviting a child over to play, can you invite the parent too – to have a quick cuppa
• Encourage your kids to join a sports team, youth group or club at their school — so that they are getting their face-to-face social connection needs met too.

As Dr Edward Hallowell puts it:

“Just as we need vitamin C each day, we also need a dose of the human moment — positive contact with other people.”

Parenting Place has opportunities for you to get connected. In fact, that’s a central part of our mission.

At every stage of your parenting journey, we provide platforms for you to connect with other parents and to be part of giving and receiving support:

• Space
• Toolbox Preschool Years, Primary Years and Teenage Years.
• Building Awesome Whānau
• Parent Coaches

So friends, the moral of the story — be intentional. Connection often falls to the bottom of the list when we’re busy with family, work and everything else. But we can’t afford to let it slide.

Human connection isn’t optional — it’s essential. We need to prioritise it just like we do sleep, exercise and nutrition. Our health, happiness and sense of belonging depend on it.

So ask yourself: Who’s in your village? And just as importantly — who needs you to be in theirs?